


I Didn't Know the Fall would Be This Easy

by regalgeek



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Because why write something nice when I can write this instead, Character Study, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mentions of Regina's marriage to Leopold, its regina's thoughts on murdering for the first time, so there's that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-18 01:17:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18110372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regalgeek/pseuds/regalgeek
Summary: The act of taking a life, of ripping out a heart and crushing it, was much more enjoyable, and much easier, than Regina expected it to be. Or,  Regina reflects on her first kill, at the end of 2x05.





	I Didn't Know the Fall would Be This Easy

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this piece comes from "Off With her Head" by Icon for Hire, an absolutely fantastic song which everyone should definitely check out. 
> 
> I have 0 clue what prompted me to write this, but it exists now. So. I hope ya'll enjoy it, I guess?

Regina knew from the moment she saw her mentor’s ‘new apprentice’ what was happening, and what he wanted her to do. Her very presence was as much a test for Regina as the one she had failed only a short while earlier. She needed to show him she was dedicated, willing to kill, willing to do whatever it took. And she was. So she did the deed, bloodied her hands for the very first time with feigned nonchalance, as if it was a simple matter of killing a pest found inside her room.

But inside, internally, she was a mess of emotions, the sorrow caused by the painful realization that it was simply impossible to bring Daniel back, the rage that it never would have happened had Snow White been able to keep a secret, the indignity of her lack of control over her own life, despite her position as queen, all of it came up in full force. The rage was easier to feel than the despair, and so she surrendered herself to it, used it to fuel her actions just as her mentor had taught her.

The act of ripping out a heart was easier than she had expected. The magic she used crude and unrefined, but oh so powerful. It was her power. As she held the girl’s heart in her hands, watched the terror and pain blossoming on her face, she knew that she was the one calling the shots. She could use the heart however she wanted, inflict pain oh so easily, or kill in seconds, just by crushing it.

So she did. Crushing the heart. She had thought that an act so cruel, so dark, so reminiscent of her mother (the woman she would never, ever, allow herself to become, who she was not at all like, no matter how similar their magic was. No matter how ruthless she became, she would never be like her. Couldn’t be like her. It was something she reminded herself of with increasing frequency when looking in the mirror.) would leave her feeling...Dirtied somehow. That she would feel a sort of taint upon her, but that was far from the case.

If anything, she felt purified, in a strange, twisted, way. It made her feel good, feel in control, to take a life in such a way. With her own power. Of her own will. It made her feel like she was, for once, the one directing the scene, instead of being the one under the thumb of others. It sent a dark thrill through her body, and she was grateful that her arms were covered by the black leather dress she was wearing, as she was certain that she had goosebumps as she watched the girl fall to the ground, her chest no longer moving, her heart only dust. 

There was fear, of what she was becoming, of the monster she, arguably, already was, but she couldn’t think about that. Not now. If she needed to be a monster to have her revenge, then a monster she would become. And, perhaps, she had been a monster all along, to feel as much enjoyment as she did taking a heart. Crushing a heart. Darkening herself permanently. 

Killing was easy. The irreversible act of taking a life was so simple, with the power she now held. She had power over life and death, thanks to her magic. And so, having already come this far, she might as well fall all the way down. Might as well embrace her lessons fully, instead of shying away from them, due to remembrance of her mother and the fear of becoming like her, due to the hope that she could bring Daniel back ( a hope which could never come true, as she was now fully, painfully, aware), due to the worry that she enjoyed the darkness a little too much. 

Her fears, her worries, her reservations about the kind of person her magic was shaping her into no longer seemed relevant, as her tutor brushed off the girl’s demise, a smile on his face as he watched her do the deed. She had proven herself to him, passed his test, shown her dedication to learning magic. 

This was a necessary act. However much she enjoyed the feeling of exerting control over others through the use of her magic, that was all she would ever use it for. Necessary acts. Whatever acts were necessary to bring about her vengeance, to find a freedom that she did not have in her marriage, to be in control. 

“Now, where were we?”


End file.
